


Can I Pet Your Titties?

by Flamo



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epsilon and Allison are cats, M/M, slight Wash/Tucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:59:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4017223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamo/pseuds/Flamo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash just wanted to take his cats for a nice walk. He definitely did not expect a random kid to ask to pet his 'titties.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Pet Your Titties?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post: http://instagrampa.tumblr.com/post/119954584722  
> This is my first work in this fandom, so please let me know how I did!  
> Also, let me know if there are any mistakes. I wrote this in like two hours and didn't spend a lot of time editing it so sorry in advance for any mistakes.

            It was a nice day; warm while not overbearingly hot with clear skies. The perfect day for David Washington to walk his cats. They loved going on walks, but it had been raining on and off constantly the past week and Wash hadn't been able to take them, which drove them mad. They were constantly chasing each other around the house, clawing at the furniture, and tripping Wash. He knew they just wanted to go outside, but they both _hated_ the rain and he worried he would end up losing them. Unfortunately, Allison and Epsilon's hatred of water would always outweight their love of Wash, and he learned that the hard way. Now, though, they were circling Wash, purring loudly as he put their harnesses on. He grinned and stood up, both of their leashes in his right hand as he pulled open the door of his apartment. Both cats immediately rushed out, Epsilon meowing loudly while Allison seemed to glare at him. They quickly made their way out of the building and onto the sidewalk.

            "Where do you two wanna go?" Wash asked absently, looking around and debating today's route, "You want to go to the park?" He glanced down at the cats, smiling when he saw Epsilon rolling around on the ground and Allison quietly cleaning herself. "Come on, then." He said, gently tugging on their leashes to let them know they were going to start walking before beginning the walk to the park. About 10 minutes later they arrived at the park and Wash quickly made his way towards a bench, sitting down and letting his cats do as they pleased around him. Allison immediately jumped up on the bench with him, but instead of lying on his lap she stared at him for a minute before turning her back to him and lying down on the other side of the bench. Epsilon, however, decided he wanted to roll around on the grass. Wash smiled at Epsilon before leaning back against the bench and closing his eyes, enjoying the nice weather.

            "Can I pet your titties?" A quiet voice cut through Wash's relaxation, and his eyes snapped open immediately to see a small boy standing in front of him, nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he looked up at Wash with hopeful brown eyes.

            "My _what_?" Wash squeaked as he stared at the boy, incredulous. He didn't look older than 3, maybe 4, and Wash had no idea where he would have learned that language. Not to mention Wash didn't even _have_ breasts.

            "You're titties." The boy said, frowning up at Wash and sticking a stubborn finger in the direction of his... cats?

            "Do you mean my cats? You want to pet my cats?" Wash asked hesitantly, but the boy didn't seem to notice his hesitance because he was nodding his head, grinning excitedly as he practically jumped up and down, his previous nervousness forgotten. Wash chuckled, nodding, "Sure, you can pet my cats." He said, calling Epsilon up onto the bench and letting him settle in his lap. The boy immediately reached out for the cat, cooing. Epsilon shrunk back, his eyes wide in fear, but Allison made her way over, having been disrupted by the commotion, and head butted the boys hand gently. The boy immediately turned his attention to the black cat, petting her with a gentleness that surprised Wash. Allison seemed happy with the boys attention, so Wash turned his to Epsilon, who was giving him a betrayed look. "Oh, don't be like that." He sighed, rolling his eyes as he scratched Epsilon behind the ears.

            "Um..." The boy spoke up, looking nervous once again as he continued to pet Allison, "I'm Junior." Wash raised his eyebrows, flashing the boy a warm smile.

            "Well, Junior, I'm Washington, but you can call me Wash. It's nice to meet you." He said, pausing for a moment before nodding at his cats, "The cat you're petting is Allison, and this guy on my lap is Epsilon." Junior grinned, obviously pleased to learn the name of the cats, and opened his mouth to speak again when another voice cut in.

            "Junior! What are you doing?" A man stalked up to the bench, glaring at Wash and grabbing Junior's arm, pulling him away from the bench, which caused Allison to mew in protest at the loss of attention. She got over it almost immediately though, sighing and moving to lie down on her side of the bench once again while Wash absently noted how alike Junior looked to the man. They both had the same dark skin and black hair, though while Junior's was curly and short, the man had his hair in loosely tied back dreads. The man also had blue eyes, unlike Junior's big brown ones. "And who are you?" The last question was aimed at Wash, his voice practically a snarl. Wash would probably have been scared if he wasn't friends with Carolina and Tex. You kind of get used to that kind of stuff when you're as close to the two as Wash.

            "David Washington," Wash said calmly, which caused the man to raise an eyebrow, "Your kid just wanted to pet my cats. Well, he didn't call them cats, but..." He voice trailed off as the man's anger seemed to dissipate immediately, replaced by a grin.

            "Don't tell me he asked to pet your titties," The man said, letting out a chuckle that turned into a full blown laugh when Wash blushed and nodded. It took him a couple minutes to calm down enough to speak again, "Sorry about that, David, I have no idea why he started calling cats that, but I just can't get him to stop. My name's Lavernius Tucker, by the way. You can just call me Tucker, though. It rolls off the tongue better." He said, winking at Wash, who stared at him blankly.

            "Alright then, _Tucker_ ," Wash said, putting emphasis on the other man's name, "And it's fine. The cat thing, that is. Also, don't call me David, I go by Wash."

            "What the fuck kind of name is _Wash._ " Tucker asked, raising his eyebrows before frowning, "Actually, I guess it kind of fits. I mean, who the fuck takes their cats to the park? _Wash._ "

            "Hey!" Wash shouted defensively, "I'll have you know walking cats is really good for them. They need some time outside, too." Wash would have continued to inform Tucker about the benefits of walking cats if Junior hadn't begun to tug on Tucker's pants.

            "Daddy, can I pet Mr. Wash's titties again?" Junior asked, his eyes wide and innocent. Tucker immediately snorted, biting his lip to keep from full on laughing while Wash blushed.

            " _Kitties,_ Junior, with a 'K'. Not titties. That's not something you'll be petting until you're older." Tucker said with a smirk, causing Wash to choke, "And sorry, kiddo, but I actually think it's time we head out. You can say bye to them quickly, though, as long as Wash is okay with it." He continued, as though he hadn't just made an inappropriate joke in front of his son.

             Junior turned his hopeful eyes to Wash, who gave him a small nod. Immediately the boy launched himself at Allison, who lifted her head and let out a small meow as he pat her head a couple times. "Bye, Allison." Junior said happily, before pulling away and turning to Epsilon. Junior reached out and gently pet his head once, causing Epsilon to flinch, but he didn't freak out, so Wash considered it an improvement. "Bye, Epslon." Junior said, happy as ever, and Wash had to bite his tongue to keep from correcting the kid when he pronounced Epsilon's name wrong; he'd learn eventually. Which reminded him...

            "You know, we come here a lot. If you're alright with it, maybe you and Junior could come meet us here every once and a while, so he can play with them a bit?" Wash said, his voice trailing off hesitantly. Turns out he didn't have a reason to be hesitant, though, because Tucker smirked and nodded.

            "Yeah, sure, we can come anytime." Tucked said before muttering something that sounded an awful lot like 'bow chicka bow wow' under his breath, "Here." He said, pulling a pen of his pocket and grabbing Wash's arm. He ignored his small noise of protest and quickly scribbled his number on the back of Wash's hand. "There. Call me and we can set up a date." Tucker said before stepping away, grabbing Junior's hand, and walking away, leaving Wash blushing and confused on the bench, surrounded by his cats.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Again, let me know if I made any mistakes. Also, feel free to request anything.


End file.
